Let’s get this out in the open. Hands up if you judge yourself against others? Hands up if you have been known to indulge in a fictitious belief that a ‘certain’ person is simply having a better time of things. And not just a better time of things. A much better time of ALL things. Let’s talk about envy.

In the disorted world of envy, we find ourselves with extra sensory intel. It might start off as a cursory, oh lucky so and so, but then the lense lingers, ‘what else have they got that I haven’t?’ Before you know where you are this questionable intel, has your subject basking in joy and glory from noon to night. My hand is still up.

Easy for Social media to get the flack for these feelings of unabashed envy, but really? Who are we kidding? Envy is a human condition that’s been around since consciousness began. And, as luck would have it, creative people, tend to have it by the bucket load. Problem is, unlike back in the school playground, it doesn’t manifest as a writ large sour puss face. No, as adults we’ve learnt the supreme art of happy face fakery. Allow me to add a bit of creative colour. One actor friend told me that he worked on a show for 2 years and the cast had a total ball -thick as thieves, out most night, profanities of love and admiration exchanged, etc, etc,. To anyone watching (enviably perhaps) they wouldn't have seen a tighter, funnier group of people enjoying each other’s company. But, the truth was, everyone was wracked with intense jealously for each other. It was a bitterness that simply existed and not a word of it was spoken. Until the big cast reunion, which didn’t happen.

The really twisted thing about envy is that left unaired and unchecked, a belief can escalate, from a little pang to epic anxiety- inducing proportions. The subject of one’s envy morphs into somewhat of a caricature -they’re seen as getting all the breaks, even getting rewarded for lack- lustre work. They can seriously do no wrong. A few more days in this head space and the belief is that they are deliberately holding you back, withholding information, getting to friends, leaving you out of important chats. What comes next is the blacklisting, the disassociation with all they do and touch. I’ve spoken to a writer who actually avoids reading a genre of book, simply because someone they used to know is writing in that space. Envy erodes all that is good about human relationships. So much so that the belief (and it is just a belief) is that life is simply better without this person to compare oneself to. And they say an artist’s life can be lonely…

ENOUGH.

Let’s rewrite this script. From a coaching perspective, when envy manifests it’s a tough one to get back in the box. Finding perspective and acknowledging truth from fiction is the start, sustaining it needs constant practise.. The big questions is always, can this emotion be addressed out in the open? Gulp. And the reason why is obvious really. Honest human relationships are critical to our well-being. Showing up with our fears and flaws are the cornerstone of good friendships. And, as a creative soul, goodness knows relationships are important. There’s enough evidence to link the artistic persuasion to loneliness and its side-kick depression. And yes, some people just wind you up like a coiled spring, but how often have you also found that tension slacken over a drink and a shared joke? And yes, some people do seem to have a lot of luck. But all the luck? Really?